My Undying Love for Taco Bell

I love Taco Bell.

I love it so much that in the sick and twisted alternate universe where it is now defunct, alternate Enid is in legitimate mourning. I hate people who act revolted when I admit it’s my favorite food. And yes, I consider it an act of admitting, given how pretentious the world has become. There are very few safe spaces for Taco Bell lovers.

What if I were to tell you Taco Bell is relatively healthy fast food—would you believe me? Roughly 75% of Taco Bell’s menu items come in under 500 calories. On top of that, every one of their hot sauce packets has a whopping zero calories, while sauces at many other fast-food restaurants quietly tack on a significant caloric cost.

In fact, a man once ate Taco Bell for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for an entire month just to see what it would do to his body. Somehow, he came out not only unaffected—but with improved health stats. I consider him my messiah. I wish I could pull out all of these facts every time I hear the words “eww, gross” delivered in an overly fried Valley Girl accent. But like most things, I don’t need other people’s validation to believe in what I believe in.

Update: I have indeed brought out those exact facts more than thrice at my local college bar.

I wanted to sit down and write about something with passion. Landing on this topic is the most honest thing I’ve done all day.